I have always been the kind of person who says that I don’t care what people think but the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. When I was young, despite my parent’s efforts to try to get me to go to church I proclaimed myself an atheist. I didn’t believe in God and I didn’t want to be dragged to church every weekend. I also didn’t believe that confessing my sins to a priest would make them vanish automatically. I was only around 13 so they tried their best to make me go. I would fake being sick so that they would leave me behind till eventually they just stopped trying to make me go.
I went many years closing doors on people who wanted to speak the word of God to me. I had no interest in trying to find myself like they would suggest Because I didn’t feel lost. It was always awkward trying to defend my point of view and people were always shocked and felt bad for me when I would tell them I was an atheist.
It wasn’t until I was about 22 that I decided to give my life to Christ. I was in a really bad depression I felt like I was worthless and nothing anyone could do or say would change how I felt about myself. I remember sitting in the shower crying for long periods of time and I began seeking God to help me feel better. The way I saw it I was in such a deep low that I could only go up from there. It had become time for me to find myself in order for me to move on with my life and only God could help me now.
I realized that God started to answer my prayers but I was always skeptic at the beginning. I thought that maybe it was a coincidence that my prayer got answered. So I would pray for a different sign and again He would answer my prayer. I began to listen to Christian music on the radio and reading Christian blogs when I could. I would watch Christian YouTube channels whenever I got the chance because I was craving the word of Jesus all the time.
Even though my life was starting to shape itself into something beautiful, I was not letting my new found faith be known by anyone. I didn’t want to be mocked for having changed from being an atheist to being a Christian. I was too worried about the judgment of people when I should have been worried about the judgment of God.
Now I am not afraid to let people know my beliefs. I am not going to stop being myself because it makes others uncomfortable. I have grown so much in the past few years and I love the person that I have become. I know that I will keep growing into the shoes that God wants me to fill and I won’t make any excuses for who I am. Every day I learn something different about myself and my relationship with God. Finding myself has become a beautiful journey in my life.
When I first started my journey with Christ I was terrified of the friends I would lose and how my relationships with others might change but I’m not scared anymore. When I look back at what my life use to be without Jesus I realize that anyone who isn’t happy for me isn’t a true friend and therefore not a loss at all. All my wounds have healed and I have God to thank for that because when I felt like giving up He was always by my side.
whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.